


Fighting for the Future

by OrangeOctopi7



Series: Stan and Ford's Time Travel Shenanigans [2]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Future, Gen, Stanuary 2021, They mostly stay in the future throughout this story, Time Travel, Well not as much time travel as last time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:06:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29168541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrangeOctopi7/pseuds/OrangeOctopi7
Summary: After getting into trouble with the Time Paradox Avoidance Enforcement Squadron, the elder Pines twins find themselves participating in Globnar.
Series: Stan and Ford's Time Travel Shenanigans [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2141274
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	Fighting for the Future

**Author's Note:**

> This one's gonna be a lot shorter than "The Good Old Days?" I'd say two, three chapters tops. I was just gonna do one chapter, but it got away from me. 
> 
> Also gonna be a lot less angst/contemplation/feels and a lot more fun times and shenanigans.

Stanley Pines sat in a bright white, featureless holding room next to his brother, trying vainly to rub the dull, persistent ache out of his back. Just a few minutes ago (but also several thousands of years ago? Time travel was confusing) he’d been back in his teenaged body, and it’d been great! All the aches and pains of old age, gone! It’d been well worth the price of the emotional instability that came with the late stages of puberty. Then the time cops had to come along and drag them back to where-ever and when-ever this was, putting the elderly twins back in their 63 year-old bodies. 

The worst part was, they were expected to battle for their freedom in some sort of gladiatorial deathmatch called Globnar. Stan had heard Mabel mention it in passing a couple of times, and from what he understood, they’d be better off in young, limber bodies.

Ford was slightly more anxious about the whole thing. The old researcher had been thrown into a couple of actual gladiatorial rings while he was trapped wandering the multiverse, and he was not looking forward to doing it again, even if Stan  _ did  _ have his back this time. Stan, on the other hand, was hardly concerned. This was the kind of deathmatch that a couple of twelve-year-olds could win. It was going to be a cinch.

The brothers looked up when one of the time cops that had arrested them, Dundgren, appeared in the cell. 

“Ok, it took us a while to find someone willing to go up against the guys who defeated the great and terrible Bill Cipher, but we’ve finally found you an opponent for Globnar.” He pressed one of many buttons on his gauntlets and a hologram projected out of his cybernetic eye. “Behold, Dohs Hunthou! The defending Globnar grand champion, with more wins to his name than any other in all of time!”

“You want us to compete against the grand champion for our freedom!?” Ford protested. “Isn’t that a bit unfair?”

“It’s two against one.” Dundgren pointed out.

“Yeah it’s two on one, but we’re old!” Stan countered. “‘Course, if you let us use some time-travel stuff to  _ not  _ be old…”

“De-aging and rapid-aging power-ups are available in several rounds of Globnar.” the time traveler assured them. “It will be up to you to use them as you wish.” 

“Power-ups? Seriously? What is this, a video game?” Stan rolled his eyes.

“No. It’s the future.” Dundgren said solemnly. “... By the way, before I go, could I get an autograph for my kids? They’d be really disappointed if I met the guys who defeated Bill Cipher but never got any proof or anything.”

“Um… ok?” Ford agreed, pulling out one of his fountain pens. “W-what do you want us to sign?”

Dundgren’s cybernetic eye focused in on the elder twins, there was a flash, and a little polaroid picture popped out of the time cop’s breastplate.

“Could you make it out to Bobitha and Towch?”

  
  


* * *

It wasn’t long before the elderly twins were brought before the Globnar Stadium. Hundreds of people cheered from the stands, all of them wearing ridiculous black clothes with glowy, colorful lines all over them. Stan decided he hated this place.

Standing before them was their opponent, Dohs Hunthou, and he wore the most ridiculous get-up of all. Stan wouldn’t place the guy’s age over 35, and he was jacked. He had a sort of fancy ponytail at the top of his head, a close-cut beard, and a scar across his left eye. His sleeves were ripped off, and his boots reached all the way up to his padded knees. He had spiked gauntlets and only one shoulder pad. Basically, he looked like one of those over-designed muscle-bound guys from one of Soos’s 90’s comics. 

“So, you two are the ones who dare challenge me, Dohs Hunthou, the greatest Globnar Champion of all time?”

“Buddy, we didn’t challenge you. You challenged us.” Stan pointed out.

“Our battle will be legendary!”

“Is he even listening to us?” Ford muttered to his brother.

“Yeah, I get the feeling this guy’s a little detached from reality.” Stan nodded.

“Hey!” The time gladiator snapped at them. “Take this seriously! I’m not some push over like that loser the 21st Century children faced! I am the greatest Globnar Champion of all time!”

“Yes, so you’ve mentioned.” Ford said flatly.

“Forgive me for not taking the death-match set up like a video game seriously.” Stan rolled his eyes. “Can we get this started?”

“ _ This is the first Globnar match we have held since Time Baby was disintegrated _ .” A robot informed them. “ _ Normally he would have started us off, and been the time keeper. Now, we must rely on the Time Board. _ ” It gestured up to a huge scoreboard that towered over the stadium.

“You mean, like, a normal sporting event?” Stan asked.

“ _ We have not had what you would consider a normal sporting event in over sñeventy hundred years. _ ”

A bell rang out across the stadium, signaling the beginning of the match.

“Alright, where are the gladiator weapons?” Stan rubbed his hands together excitedly.

“Oh, we’re not starting with the hand-to-hand combat round.” Hunthou corrected them with a smirk. “The Time Board will determine what our first round is!”

A seemingly endless list of events scrolled across the screen at lightning speed, before randomly stopping on  _ “Clean Their Clock” _ .

“Gladiatorial Time combat involves washing timepieces?” Ford asked in confusion.

“Not exactly. It’s derived from an ancient idiom!” Hunthou raised his arms in the air. With a  _ zap  _ a strange costume formed around him. It was like he was in a small, grandfather clock-shaped mech suit. His head and torso were visible through the window where the pendulum would normally be, with black mechanical arms and legs sticking out of the clock’s tower. Another  _ zap  _ placed the elder twins in the same costume.

“This is stupid.” Stan grumbled as he looked down at himself.

“Yes, that’s one constant I noticed while traveling the multiverse. The more technologically advanced a society becomes, the more they use it for really stupid things.” Ford agreed.

“Now, I’m here to  _ clean your clock _ !” The time gladiator lunged at them. 

The brothers stumbled out of the way. Stan tried to follow up with his own left hook, but the awkward mech suit restricted his movements, and he whiffed the blow. Ford’s attempt to grab their opponent in an arm-bar didn’t go much better. Hunthou jabbed his mech’s elbow into Ford’s gut, winding him. A little cuckoo bird with glowing blue eyes popped out of a window above the clock face of Ford’s suit. A buzzer sounded from the Time Board. Stan growled and charged at the time gladiator, body checking him to the ground. 

Hunthou pushed himself back up, letting his momentum catapult him back into Stan, kicking him in the face. Stan’s cuckoo sprang out too, and the blue and green lights around them turned red.

_ “Dohs Hunthou wins round one!” _ The robot running the show declared.

“How many rounds are there, exactly?” Ford asked.

“As many as the Time Board decrees.” The robot answered.

The brothers shared a grimace. They’d already taken some hard blows just in the first round. How long could they keep this up?

* * *

The list of events were scrolling by on the board once again. This time it stopped on  _ “Time Dogs” _ .

“Alright, leave this one to me.” Stan assured his brother. “I’ve dealt with my fair share of angry guard dogs.”

A platform raised before the combatants, stopping at about table height. A couple of blue disks appeared on top. Stan raised an eyebrow. Was he going to have to play frisbee with a vicious Time Dog?

Then a heap of foot-long hotdogs appeared on the disk. Or, as it turned out to be, plate.

“Oh, that kind of dog.” Stan smiled. “I think I’m still the best man for this job.”

“You said it, not me.” Ford replied sardonically. 

Dohs Hunthou stood over his plate like a man about to spring off the high-dive.

_ “Begin.” _ The robot declared. 

Stan began shoving hotdogs into his mouth, barely taking time to chew. Hunthou picked up his plate and tilted his entire pile of hotdogs into his gaping maw. 

_ Oh, two can play that game! _ Stan thought as he observed his opponent’s tactics. He opened his mouth as wide as it would go and leaned over, bringing the pile of hotdogs right to him.

It was a close match, but after a couple of minutes, it was clear that Hunthou was slowing down, while Stan was still going as strong as ever. Still, the time gladiator refused to yield, slowly slipping one hotdog after the other into his mouth.

_ Ok, time to start playing dirty. _ Stan ballooned out his cheeks, not a difficult task when they were overstuffed with meat and bread, and turned to his opponent, rolling his eyes and wiggling his ears.

Hunthou choked, whether from shock or laughter was hard to tell. It didn’t really matter, as long as it got the guy to stop eating. A buzzer sounded, and a robot came forward to give the time gladiator the heimlich maneuver. 

_ “Pines twins win round two!” _ The head robot declared.

“Yeff!” Stan cheered through a mouth-full of food. He swallowed it all with a big gulp. “Never have an eating contest with a former homeless guy! Pines! Pines! Pines!”

“Pines! Pines! Pines!” Ford joined in his chant.

* * *

The next round was “King of the Clock”, which wasn’t too different from a game Stan and Ford used to play as kids, “King of the Hill”. The main difference was, the high place you were trying to claim was the top of a giant rolling clock, and you won by rolling over your opponent.

Just trying to get on top of the giant rolling clock seemed impossible to Stan. It was at least twice as tall as he was, and it didn’t sit still either. Hunthou did some sort of fancy parkour jump up the side and onto the top, his legs running backwards as he began to roll the clock in the twins’ direction.

“Stan, give me a leg up!” Ford directed him. 

The old con man gulped, but interlaced his fingers, giving his brother a place to step. Stanford dashed forward, springing up from the platform of Stan’s hands, and lunging to the top of the clock, where a well-timed somersault kick managed to knock Hunthou from his place and help Ford balance himself as the clock continued to roll forward. Stan dodged out of the way as Ford did his best to change the clock’s direction. The old scientist managed to swerve the clock to the right, and into Hunthou’s stunned body.

The buzzer sounded again, and the clock disappeared before it could completely crush the time gladiator. Ford fell to the ground with an  _ oof _ .

_ “Pines twins win round three!”  _ Their robot host announced.

The Pines brothers gave a High Six and started chanting “Pines!” again.

Behind them, Dohs Hunthou growled dangerously. 


End file.
